So this is my side, my view of what happened to my family this weekend. I know this is long. I wrote this, I think to make since of it all. To process it. It doesn't seem real. We are home. But we are different. Tonight when I read our discharge summary page from the hospital it brought tears to my eyes. I am sharing this because I feel it may help someone else. I'm sharing pictures because this is real life. God saved my son. Period. We are forever grateful/thankful/blessed.

To all the nurses, Dr's, EMT's that helped us God bless you. You were all amazing!!!! It's no fun being on the other side!!

Xa Xa's Journey

Today, Saturday 6/25/16 I'm laying in a hospital bed at St. Francis Children's cuddling my precious son and writing to make sense of, log, process, reflect on the events of the past couple of days. Everything is different now. I was suppose to work tonight (I work weekends). My breasts are full because Cadence my 2 year old is still nursing but I have no pump I don't even have a desire to pump. I finally took a shower last night after being in my Zumba clothes for two days. I'm just fine lying her in my PJ's holding my son, in this too little bed,who we almost lost Thursday night.

Those who know me know I love Jesus and let me tell you He was in the building that night! My mom had went to bed early because she wasn't feeling well. Agape', Cadence and Xavier were sitting down to eat dinner and I was running late headed out to Zumba. As I was telling the children I would be right back I heard Xa making strange noises. I turned to him to tell him to stop playing like that then I saw the look on his face. He could not breath. My baby was choking. I ran to him and gave him a few back slaps. Thought about his size and decided he was too big for that and it's not working let me try the Heimlich. I told Agape' to call 911. She started to cry and panic. I told her you do not cry! You pray and do as I say!! I'm so proud of my 10 year old. She is such an emotional little bear. But man! She got her poop in a group called 911 told them where we were and that her little brother was choking. The Heimlich was not working either! I checked my technique and I knew I was doing it right! Effectively!! But nothing was happening. I turned him around and asked him to open his mouth. I looked and saw nothing. Was he really choking?! Was this an allergic reaction?! I turned him back around to start the Heimlich again, when I felt my babies body go limp... What?! No?! Jesus help me! Everything was going so slow and still so fast!!! Ok, he's limp. Maybe now that he is relaxed the Heimlich will work, we can get this thing OUT! Nothing. I laid him down I can't remember his eyes. I started CPR. With each compression I could hear air coming out, no much, but he could not take air in. I tried to open his mouth. Now he was clenching his teeth so tight I could not get his mouth open. Ok, what now... So I gave him breaths through his nose. Like giving CPR to a pet. I thank God for the many jobs and experiences I have had over the years. This helped a little his eyes began to roll but he could not focus. Meanwhile, Cadence the two year old was standing over me and her big brother screaming. She though I was hurting him. I told her "baby, mommy is helping Xa, it's gonna be ok." I had called my mom a few times to no avail. I stopped to check Xa's pulse and see if he could breath yet or what. His eyes glazed over, he turned his head away from me, lost control of his bowels, his gums were white, his skin was dusky blue he had no signs of life. I said forget his pulse and I started screaming. A weird scream a different scream. I was angry! "No!!! Devil you can not have my boy!!! I rebuke you in the name of Jesus!! My son shall live and not die!" I kept doing chest compressions and giving him breaths. Blood started coming out of his mouth. I yelled at my mother. "He is dying!!!! Jesus help me!!!! Mommy!!!!" She was there. "Get Cadence!!! Help Agape', call Chris!! I need him to pray!" I started praying in the Spirit. I lost count of how many compressions per breaths. I called to my son.

"Xavier!! It's not time for you to go yet. Come back to mommy. I need you. Daddy needs you. We need you!!! I was begging! Every healing scripture I have ever learned I called out. I gave him another breath and his eyes opened!!! "Thank u Jesus! Xavier! Look at mommy!!" He turned his head and gaze toward me. "Stay with mommy son, I will breath for you. It's gonna be ok. Stay with mommy. Look in my eyes don't stop looking at me." In a matter of minutes the EMT's came in. I took my hands off him. I was so relieved. When I think back I wish I would not have moved away so quickly. But I didn't want to be in the way. He was alive for me. They grabbed him and started to do back slaps. I said "I'm a nurse I already did that." His body went limp again. They said something like we're loosing him and one of them grabbed him and ran to the truck. I grabbed my purse the police asked a few questions and I was on my way to St Francis.

I called my husband. Told him where they were taking our son and the short version of what happened. I asked him to call his dad and merge the calls. I needed to hear someone else pray and speak life over our son. I sat quietly while my husband and my father in law prayed for my baby. Their baby.

When we finally arrived in the ER they were placing an ET tube, IV's, NG, the works. He was placed on the vent. The EMT's came to talk to us. I asked how he did on the truck. They said he wasn't there. They said they "snowed" him with Versed to get his mouth open so they could intubate him because he could not breath on his own. The ER Doc said she saw a grape! Really, a grape!! This boy is almost four years old he eats everything no problem, wow. She said she could not reach it and she thinks it moved to his esophagus. We would be transferred to the PICU. They placed a central line in his femoral artery. Radiology got X-rays to check placement and to look at his lungs. The nursing staff were amazing. He slept on his meds while the vent let his lungs rest. Placement was good and his lungs looked fine. They scheduled him for a head CT and a scope to find and retrieve the grape.

No sleep. He kept waking up. I needed him to see us whenever he opened his eyes. CT scan

was clear. The scope didn't happen until late in the evening but his esophagus was clear as well. I was able to stay with him and watch the scope. No grape. Ok great! He's waking up lets get the tube up when he is fully awake. They stopped the continuous sedation and changed his vent settings. In about 10 mins he was reaching for it trying to take it out. They removed the ET tube and put him on a nasal cannula. Then my baby boy said, "don't leave me." I said ok. I asked him did he want me to lay with him and he said yes 😊. We laid together do about 10 minutes. Then all of a sudden he started making the same choking noises he did Thursday night. I told Chris to get the nurse. I turned him onto me. I was not sure if he was choking, if his throat was just irritated or if he was going to puke. After several large cough/choke noises he stopped. Chris came back in with a nurse behind him. He reached down. "Here goes the grape right here!!" He showed it to me. What?!!! Where the heck was it!!!! The nurse took the grape to show the Dr. She was amazed. Everyone was taking pictures of it with their phones. Crazy...

I'm so glad he was able to get it out this time. I'm so glad we were still here. It must have been next to the ET tube or just below it. He is recovering now. Using the urinal because he didn't want to pee in the diaper they put on him 😊 He's my big, strong, brave man!!!! We are truly blessed. God is real!!! The Word works!!

Montika Collins, BS, BSN, RN, CLC, IBCLC